Old Charlie came down to the Big Smoke.
From his home in the north of the state.
He would have one final fling in the city,
Before Saint Peter called him through the gate.
He didn’t care much for the big towns.
Preferring his campfire to share,
With his horse and his dog his companions
He had no worries and never a care.
But he fancied just one last flutter,
Ft the casino, the trots and the dogs.
There was always a degree of excitement
It was the best way to spend a few bob.
Old Charlie had one last ambition,
And there was a big regret in his life.
He had never sired any offspring,
He had not fancied nor taken a wife.
As he rambled the streets of the Big Smoke,
He mused as he whistled a rhyme.
When the time came to depart this creation
That would signal the end of his line.
There before him stood The Fertility Clinic,
And a sign that brought thoughts to his head.
In the window he saw a large notice,
Sperm donors are needed, it read.
That’s for me thought Charlie with fervour.
A donation of sperm I will give,
And when I am long dead and forgotten
My genes will be vibrant and live.
The doctor looked sternly at the old guy,
And said we look for the best of the youth.
We need to choose donors with caution
She said you’re a bit too long in the tooth.
But Charlie demanded a fair go,
Might be old but there’s no way I’m dead
I have the same rights to the service
I fought two wars for this country, he said.
Then he filled out the relevant forms,
So that all was right legal and fair.
And she watched as he signed at the bottom
Well aware of her duty of care.
She gave Charlie the sterile container,
Then she explained the procedure demands.
If you feel you must make a donation
The onus is now in your hands.
Into the blue room Charlie was ushered,
The place was a sight to enthral.
The walls were all covered with pictures
Of nude girls and muscular boys.
A movie was playing in one corner,
The actors were two guys and a gal.
Charlie had seen nothing quite like it
Since he had been to the brothel in Kal.
Old Charlie began to feel frisky,
The juices would soon start to crank.
His donation would be saved for the future
Preserved in The State Sperm-Bank.’
One hour passed with no sign of Charlie,
Something’s happened the doctor could tell.
Had the old fellow collapsed in the process
And maybe suffered a stroke as well?
Poor old Charlie lay there exhausted.
Said, I tried really hard but I’m beat
I twisted and turned until my hands burned,
I even tried using my feet.
I knew it was hopeless so I gave up the fight
Because I failed in all that I did.
I tried with my left hand I tried with the right
But I couldn’t unscrew that damned lid.
The moral of this story is simple,
Don’t wait until it’s too late.
Use it or lose it …do it today
Or you might suffer Poor Charlie’s sad fate.