‘Do It Yourself For Beginners.’
He browsed through the book off the shelf.
It promised to guide and instruct him
On the many projects he could do himself.
So he handed over his last thirty dollars,
And he purchased that neat little book.
Their house was in need of a facelift,
And so positive action he took.
He placed a big order with Bunnings
For new timber, big nails and screws.
He bought a hammer, a ladder and brushes
Bright paints, fillers and glues.
The spare room was used for storage.
In the beginning it seemed to make sense
Buying in bulk was really the answer
A dollar saved is one dollar less spent.
Soon the house was a mess with rubble,
As he demolished and constructed with glee,
He put new doors where a door wasn’t needed
And he put windows where one shouldn’t be.
But his wife felt she was totally neglected
As he hammered and nailed and screwed,
He was fully engrossed in his hobby,
But to ignore his good wife that was rude.
Now she wasn’t one for complaining,
And she had put up with a lot in her time,
But to treat her as though she was nothing
Well that was really too much and unkind.
So she plucked up the courage to face him
And she told him just how she felt.
‘If you don’t call a halt to this nonsense
You’ll wind up here all by yourself.’
But Murphy was caught up in the project,
As he had been right from the start,
And he failed to take heed of the warning,
Sure he wasn’t too bright or too smart.
She was a lady, who craved for attention,
And she didn’t shed tears or lament,
Next morning whilst he was still screwing
She put her bags in her car and she went.
The silly guy still hadn’t copped on,
Til he looked for his evening cooked meal,
Then he found the note she left on the table
‘It’s over, I’ve got myself a new deal.’
Work has ceased and the project has ended,
Because no building approval was sought,
He had made several bad errors of judgement,
He was dobbed in and he had been caught.
Now he sits all alone in his wrecked house,
Amid the timber the nails and the screws,
With the hammer, the ladder and brushes,
And the paints, the fillers and glues.
And each night he ponders his losses,
And he knows now that it’s much too late.
He keeps the book by his bedside to remind him
How D.I.Y had sealed this man’s fate.